Close to the Chest

11/20/23- Today was the day. It’s a relief. It wasn’t a relief for the majority of the day as I did not get my results until this evening. It was killing me. The constant thought of what the results would bring. But really I knew. I’ve known since the 8th. The grab is getting stronger. The Reaper’s Prescence is becoming more prominent by the moment. She’s all I think about. That Evil Woman.

It's true now. A sympathy text has already rolled in. I just want to keep this secret close to me. I didn’t even want to tell Meg’s but we are a team. And she finds comfort with sharing with her mum who feels comfort in sharing with her son which continues the cycle. It just makes it real. I don’t fucking want this to be true. I’m not new to this. I find more comfort in the closer web I keep. I appreciate love and support but as far as communication goes I will only keep it to three to four people. I can’t create a larger web. I can’t let more people down. It’s hard. I just want to have the winter of my lifetime and fade away. British Colombia is looking good in February. I’m not afraid to die. I’m afraid to keep living. It’s hard to be my harshest critic. Life can be precious but sometimes it needs to shatter to find it’s worth.