Easy Transition

11.19.23- It’s a Sunday. It’s the first NFL Sunday that I have been able to involve myself with since I started back to work. It’s an easy transition. I wake at 10 just comfortable as can be. My Babe gets close to me and holds me as I slowly adjust. I’m so happy to have a weekend day off. It’s heaven. A good reward to a tough week. The waiting game can eat you apart. Not a huge surprise but we did not get the results of our PET scan on Friday. It’s all good. I’d rather be in the dark for the weekend I think. Last weekend Canccer Free for awhile. OR was that back in August of 22’?!

It snowed last night. Nice little dusting this morning. It’s getting me more in the mood. But not necessarily to ride. I just want to catch these moments with my camera. Film, shoot, sequence. All of it. I just want to make my own scene in this way. IT’s really opened my creative aspect and helped me to cope with my thoughts. It helps me to think through a project and execute it. That’s where some of my opportunities lie in work in life. I’m a dreamer, not necessarily a doer. Meg’s is a doer but not necessarily a dreamer. We are a match. Made in Heaven or Hell is up to you but we are a fucking match. I love her.

How am I going to tell everyone that we are going back though this. Do I need to? Can I just sink away. Is this real? Do I need to fight. Is it worth it. I might do it for Megs. But my ultimate thought is even if I can be “cured” will it re-occur and will it ever not be irresponsible to conceive a child after. It really hurts me. It’s a deep dilemma. I think. I hope. I need help. But I am alright. And just alright is good. 11:11; My wish will always be that I hope our love grows and grows more by the minute, hour, day. I love you. I love you all. I don’t want to fight but I love this life. The World is cruel but it’s worth fighting to change.