Lance, Who?

12.3.2023- As I wait for my port placement the other day the anesthesiologist came in to do his pre-surgical meeting. He was asking me about the port placement procedure and why we were doing it. Of course he knew it was to administer chemo but he needed me to explain it to show I was able to think and speak independently. He asked me about my case and I told him it started as testicular cancer. This is where I lose it with every medical professional. He fucking immediately dis-credits my case and tells me how CURABLE testicular Cancer is. “You know about Lance right?!” Yeah I fucking know about Lance. I FUCKING KNOW ABOUT LANCE. You know what else I know about?! Sitting in several different Oncologists offices and hearing my cure rate go down by the month. I started close to 100% back in September of 2022. My cure rate went down slightly with the news of spreading to my lymph nodes and the need for standard chemo. My cure rate dipped significantly following my re-currence in March and need for a dual stem-cell transplant. This transplant has to do the trick though right? My cure rate has leveled. November comes and the pain returns. This VERY CURABLE form of Cancer snuck back through the rubble of the stem cell transplant. My cure rate dips again. I never wondered where we were at before but I do now. It’s 10%. Look me in the eye and tell me how curable Testicular Cancer is. Dis-credit my fucking case. I dare you. I know everyone is trying to promote hope but it's bullshit. That’s a nice gesture when everything goes to plan. It’s heartbreaking when it doesn’t. My very curable case has turned into a nightmare. I am scared, but my road to the cure begins tomorrow. It is not MY Cancer. I will let it move on. I am ready.