T, Einhorn, P

12.4.2023- First day of what hopes to be my last bout with Chemo. TIP. Or maybe not. T at least. We start our treatment but also have a meeting with Dr. Einhorn of University of Indiana at noon. It creates a tailspin. He has a different suggestion. To our surprise though Dr. Urquart is open and even on-board with the switch. Tobias’ confidence helps. It’s just 6pm of day one and we have changed our entire regimen. But we feel confident. Tomorrow is a new day. I look forward to a new day. This one was stressful. I was pumped full of Benadryl and then hit with a bomb. It’s a hard life, but we are on the right track.

12.5.2023- The ultimate pivot. Zozo is my nurse again today and she’s just thrilled to not have to administer that heavy dose of evil poison. I think it will be good. I asked what she knew of this Gemcitabine drug and she started by saying that she has heard of good results. I was more wondering the side-effects that it could cause but Zozo further explained results showing this drug pushing the Cancer back 10 years! That’s some hope I can put on my radar. As far as side-effects she states that it is generally well-tolerated and causes little known nausea. This is a score to me. I don’t want to suffer. We need to try something new. I think it is hard to wrap my mind around the idea that more Chemo drugs does not equate to a better cure rate. It’s hard to process. We just have to believe.

It's really nice to have my dad out here with me. Not only does it put me at ease, but it also put my other half at ease. I can see that she is more comfortable giving up the reigns of my care for the day while she focuses on her workday. I need this. I need her to be able to focus on her life. We are a strong team and it’s important that we can take our focus elsewhere when necessary. As we get a foundation and plan in place I am more ready for my mum to come. I was thinking as I lay awake early this morning how nice it would be for her to be at the end of the couch rubbing my feet and legs with those warm hands as the fire burns. I am ready. It is almost time.

With the pivot of my treatment schedule it really changes my thoughts on having to work. The previous schedule was going to be extremely intense with heavy drugs given M-F of the first week of four, four week cycles.(4 weeks of heavy treatment over 16 week period.) Now my treatment consists of chemo drugs being administered 3 out of 4 Mondays of every month over the next six months. It frees me up a bit. I mean I would love to not work and have all the time to go shred and shoot photos, but that might not me most productive for my mental.

MD Lee came in to discuss the plan with us and really discussed how we would be starting full on following Christmas. It’s nice to work our way into this schedule a bit. I am feeling more confident. Less in the dark about whether we are making the right decision. There is no right decision. The playbook should be burned. I am a cowboy. I do things my way. It’s time to try something new. It’s time to get on board with Gemcitabine. We are on the right path. We are doing good. I am doing good. I am a cowboy; I am strong.